This week's retro video-ENJOY! We'll be back filming new material soon. God bless you!
Ladies, have you affirmed your husband today, lifted him up, encouraged him? What is your favorite way of affirming your husband?
Here's one of my favorite stories from my childhood illustrating the importance of fortitude.
I recently listened to an excellent talk by a theologian and apologist on St. Paul’s Ephesians 5 verse to husbands and wives. It was very refreshing to hear a scholar take on the topic in such a clear and frank yet charitable manner. So as you would guess, he’s also from Louisiana. His name is Brant Pitre, and you can download the talk at this link Wives Do What? I have been disappointed that many apologists have skirted this topic over and over again as well as Priests and catechists, so I appreciate that at least one has finally had the courage to adequately cover the topic.
Toward the end of the talk Dr. Pitre gives some real life explanation and some of his own experience. He shared something from a parish marriage program where a particular gentleman offered his experience from having counseled married couples over the years. He said that in virtually all circumstances the husbands’ #1 complaint about their wives was that they did not respect him. She tears him down, despises him, and cuts him to pieces with her tongue. The #1 complaint of the wives toward their husbands was that he never chooses her. He always chooses something over her whether it’s football, money (work), pornography, or
another woman. He never chooses her. Dr. Pitre cleverly links this scenario and sampling back to St. Paul’s instruction: Wives be submissive to your husbands (respect him), and husbands love your wives as Christ loves the Church (choose her), as though St. Paul has known the most common ways men and women fail each other in marriage.
So men, let’s ask ourselves, what are we choosing over our wives? How do we spend our time? What’s our time commitment to our wives? Are we using them for our own gain or selfish purposes? Do we have them taking care of our responsibilities, so that we can use our time on selfish interests?
Another point Dr. Pitre makes is that men don’t know how to be men today. He calls on the ladies to pray for us. That’s great, but men also need instruction and mentoring. Our upcoming video series is going to answer that call. The series currently being assembled will be called Resurrecting Manhood Today. We live in a unique time in history, and manhood is lived out in a unique set of circumstances. So stay tuned, and let your family and friends know what will be coming up.
God bless you+
As I get out and about, I tend to observe people. I actually have encouraged my older children to do the same. I tell them, just for your own entertainment, observe people—those you know and those you don’t. Observe their behavior, the words they use, the way they treat others, the way they dress. Then look at their RESULTS. In the end, that’s what really matters—RESULTS. I’m not speaking only of financial results. Actually financial results are the easiest to quantify and identify. Of course, at fixthefamily.com we target family results. How are their relationships? Have their kids rebelled? Do they have influence over their kids? Have their kids left the Church?
These things happen all too often. Often it is due to the breakdown of the family and the breakdown of the marriage to be more specific. Women tend to catch my attention. I guess that’s just part of the fall and part of being a normal man, lest I digress. Regardless, what I have come to observe is that women today appear to be as a whole very unhappy, angry even. One lady I was speaking to recently who identifies with our mission said that women are tired. It all gets back to them having been programmed by a feminist-driven education system that tells them they can have it all. So they try it. Most of them are very well intentioned, thinking they are doing the responsible thing, much like their mothers did. But in the end, it all comes down to the point that no human being, male or female, is cut out to do it all. And THAT’S the lie: HAVING it all ends up requiring that you DO it all.
“And God created man to his own image: to the image of God he created him: male and female he created them.” (Gen 1:27) And He gave them each a job to do based on how He made them. When we go outside of God’s design, we can expect that we’ll have problems. Now the feminist-driven society we live in has done a very effective job of not only indoctrinating little girls who eventually become these angry, tired, unhappy women; they also indoctrinate the boys. Those boys who are becoming men have grown used to the girls competing with them in the classroom as well as in sports. They have been trained to give way to them and allow them to do anything and everything they do. Yes, so boys have been trained to…that’s right…COMPROMISE.
Do we ever stop and wonder why men are so lazy and childish today? Because they have been trained to be that way. Well, if a girl wants equal rights and the opportunity to play on the football team, she shouldn’t be discriminated against because of her gender. So any normal male, knowing he is larger and stronger than the girl, will be extra careful around her on the field not wanting to hurt her. He’s not giving it his all; he’s not reaching his potential. HE’S COMPROMISING HIMSELF.
Is this the intent of God’s plan for man? I think not. “And God blessed them, saying: Increase and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it, and rule over the fishes of the sea, and the fowls of the air, and all living creatures that move upon the earth.” (Gen 1:28) As I observe people, it looks to me like women have much more in their drive to subdue the earth than do men. St. Irenaeus said that the glory of God is man fully alive. That’s FULLY alive, not compromising, not holding back his abilities and potential so as to give others equal opportunity. When we hold ourselves back, we are cheating God out of what he wants us to be.
So let’s apply this to family life. It really bothers me how today as much as ever, men mistreat women. Before I was ever married or before I even met my wife, I would hear men refer to their wives as their “old lady.” To me, that just didn’t seem right. The term just sounded derogatory, since I knew it didn’t mean the same thing as an elderly lady and the context in which it was used was not usually favorable. Now I know some men will say “Now wait a minute Bud, that’s just a term of endearment” as in a playful sense. Well, I’d like to ask them “So, how’s the old lady, sir?” You see, words mean things, and if you call someone something long enough, they’ll get used to it, and it will affect them. What do you think would become of your kid if you just jokingly called him a loser or fatso since he was the age of 3?
Men, we have to see through the lies. We are appointed the leaders of our families, of our wives and of our children to point and lead them in the right direction, regardless of what the world around us is telling them or showing us. We have to take on our responsibilities in leading, providing for, and protecting our families so that our wives can take on their roles of bearing and nurturing children and beautifying the world around us. So how’s all this working out for me? Well, so far, so good. We still have a long way to go so when people compliment our family, I ask them to pray for us because we are by no means complete. But as far as my “babe” as I call her, and yes that is a term of endearment, most people don’t automatically realize she’s nearly 3 years older than me and would think the actual opposite, so I’d say it’s panned out pretty good…so far…
God bless you+
So I have this bulky heavy item to return to Office Depot, right, and I can't bring it myself because of work obligations and my sons are home busy doing yard chores. My lovely lady has to go out on errands for items needed for Easter. So I load it in the car, and tell her to go in and ask for some assistance bringing it in.
This was her experience: She went in and brought the receipt to the front counter and asked for assistance. The clerk called for a young man in the stockroom. He came out and followed my wife to the car. He was very polite and glad to help. Getting the box from the car he told her she would not have been able to carry it. She agreed and thankfully expressed her appreciation. The young man walked away walking a little taller, with his chin a little higher, and his chest stuck out a bit farther.
Ah, the beauty of true masculinity and femininity at work.
Dads are totally unnecessary for the raising of a family, except of course as a seed donor or to help with putting a little money in the bank account. This is the principal message we get in word and attitude from the feminist culture that we live in. It is SO pervasive that even good Catholics don’t recognize it under their own noses. So go ahead and get a job and be a good employee, earn a good salary, join all of the civic and business organizations, go to the driving range, but when you get home, keep your mouth shut and be a good dad because mom’s got it under control. This lifestyle, my friends is crushing families to the core and ripping them to shreds, leaving wounded, scared, confused, and rebellious children as the product.
My latest instance with this was when posting a status on Facebook “the bottom line is the bottom line…RESULTS is what counts” drew the ire of a good Catholic gal who insisted on a clarification of what I meant, then proceeded to tell me how I should have said it, then proceeded when goaded a good pious Catholic guy to tell me how materialistic I was and that I had made myself into God. Well, ladies and gentlemen, this the ultimate end in that statement: The last 4 things are on you and me—death, judgment, heaven, or hell. God doesn’t decide; we do. But my statement really was more about what happens before that: our state in life.
We need to take seriously our vocation, our state in life, as our ultimate offering up to God. This is how we live our life day-in and day-out. It really is all we have to offer. I often say we have to pray, go to Mass, go to Confession, be real Catholics. The Church gives us Sacramentals to help us along: Holy Water, the Rosary, and the Brown Scapular. She gives us devotions like the Precious Blood of our Lord Jesus Christ or the Divine Mercy. But we can’t pray our way toward getting it done. A devout Priest once said that prayer that is not followed up with appropriate action is only a wish—not really a prayer at all. We have to DO what our state in life demands to the best of our ability. If we experience failures or setbacks through no fault of our own, then of course we can’t be held accountable. But if we fail to take our job seriously, we will be judged on this.
As a father, the RESULTS of my family have A LOT to do with the way I have led the family. The attitude and disposition of my wife has A LOT to do with the way I have led her. You don’t believe that? I have known many sweet women who have been turned hard and cold as a result of their husbands being downright deadbeats. The way my children behave has A LOT to do with the way I have raised them. You don’t believe that? I have known many children who have rebelled, left the Church, and lead totally pagan lives whose dads didn’t have time to lead the family.
So what’s with all the narcissism you may ask? Am I tooting my own horn? Yep! Why? For admiration? Nope, it won’t do me a bit of good if the whole world tells me “You’re a great dad!” Actually it could feed my pride and cause me to sin. For imitation? Nope. I’m not trying to start some men’s crusade and have men walking around pounding their chests saying how great they are. It’s for application. I’m here to tell dads WHAT YOU DO AS A FATHER IS IMMENSELY IMPORTANT AND MEANS THE WORLD TO YOUR WIFE AND KIDS. This culture will tell you it’s not important so much so that it is now promoting “families” with no father present at all as an equal alternative.
When we go out from home, people often will compliment us on the behavior of our kids. When my wife goes out, she draws attention just through her serene and peaceful spirit. People ask her questions, seek her advice. This is the “light of the world” the Lord says we are supposed to be that inspires those around us. When people compliment our children, I say “It has taken a lot of work, and we still have a long way to go; we’re not done yet. Keep us in your prayers.” If I were to say that we’re just blessed with good kids, I’d be a liar. They are not “good kids.” They are normal kids with a fallen nature who have been trained to work against their nature through God’s grace.
What I’m saying here is no great revelation to anyone; it’s quite a bit of common sense. But since so many dads have not been taught and have failed their families, they want to think that God just didn’t bless them with good kids, and they’re not at fault. That might be one tactic to salve one’s conscience but look at how destructive that is for the next generation. It perpetuates the lie.
So what if you’re one who was lied to and you believed it and you did shirk your duty and left your post? Well, yes now you must pray and pray diligently for your children. If you’re still in contact with them, how are they doing? Are they not living right? Do you still have communication with them? Humble yourself a tell them what I have stated here, how you were deceived and distracted from your duty as a father, how you neglected them, how you regret it ant that you are sorry. Then tell them about the Church’s teachings in this area and that they can turn things around. Tell them about fixthefamily.com, and refer them to this site so they call learn their duty and get support in doing it. That’s what we’re here for. If you’re a dad with kids at home now, whether you know what you are supposed to do or not, visit our site often. If you don’t know, you’ll learn. If you do know you’ll get support.
We are here for others, primarily for Catholic families, but anyone who wants to listen and get family life right for the good of their children and to achieve heaven by the living out of their daily duty, their state in life. No, there’s no narcissism here. I have no need of accolades or admiration. My wife has me WELL taken care of in that department. She is my sustainer if there ever was one. So we continue on giving back the wisdom that was given us that we humbly obeyed and are enjoying the fruits of now in a joy-filled family life. We’d like to see the same happen for you and all Catholic families.
God bless you+
http://www.fixthefamily.com/ Based on GC Dilsaver's book The Three Marks of Manhood (Christianmanhood.org), we take up the all-controversial topic of wives being submissive to their husbands. Dr. Dilsaver says no other position of leadership is so absolute as head of the family. According to the Catechism of Trent, wives are to "yield" to their husbands in all things non inconsistent with Christian piety with a willing and ready obedience. Join us for a discussion on this very "hot" topic.