Here's an email we received recently that validates our positions. It is sad how couples like this were lied to and misled and now find themselves trapped. We as parents need to think things out in guiding our children to put a stop to the situations putting undue stress on marriages and leaving children to suffer without the care and attention of their mothers.
Thank you for your awesome website!!! I wanted to lend some words of encouragement regarding the issue of feminism since I saw how nasty many people got in their comments in posts touching on this subject (in particular women working and/or going to college). I think you deserve praise for speaking out against the common thinking of today!
My husband and I are a perfect example of why feminism doesn't work and how it can be harmful (I will try to be as concise as possible, but honestly this will probably be a bit of a book, lol). We both met during nursing school in a baccalaureate program at a Catholic Jesuit university. We both had it pounded into our heads that we needed to go to college. It was never a consideration for my husband to do a career that required an apprenticeship, certificate, or other training than a bachelor's degree in order to have a "good career". It sounds so silly now to think this knowing the myriad of options that are available! I feel that in our youthful naivety we were seriously misled. As for myself I was given the same message that I HAD to go to a four year college and develop a career of my own too. I was indoctrinated into what I had learned from feminism in the main stream to such an extent that I decided then that while I may marry some day, I certainly didn't want to ever have children and would be a career woman. Despite living at home during college, working jobs, and starting at a much cheaper community college for half of my education before transferring to the Jesuit university I still ended up with a large amount of student loans. My husband accrued significantly more in student loans than myself as he didn't take precautions and trusted that things would work out in the end since college was "a must".The first years of our marriage we lived on one income and dedicated the second income entirely to paying ahead on student loan debt. I learned very quickly that I absolutely hated working in a career full time. When I worked during college I always knew my work positions were temporary until I became a nurse, and the situation was more tolerable by virtue of this. Why was my career I worked hard for so unfulfilling? Why did it feel like the life was being drained out of me, when I knew that I was a hard worker? Then there was also a nagging in my heart since I had been married to my husband, and it was the desire for a child. I realized in the past I had refused the idea of children since the only younger men I had encountered were not the type you would want to settle down and have children with (in addition to feminist rantings). My husband had the same yearnings for a family and a wife dedicated to the home. We decided that I would work while pregnant with our son if I could reasonably do it, and then I would stay home with the baby for about a year before going back to work very part time. I still have awful memories of bad morning sickness and vomiting several times every morning waking up early and commuting to work. I also never had time to properly get the house in order prior to giving birth as my son came two weeks earlier than my due date. It wasn't okay to work during pregnancy and was a huge drain on all three of us, and I think we carried on with me working during pregnancy due to peer pressure primarily.
After my son was born we went through a year of tough times as I ended up injured and required two major surgeries. The costs of the medical bills and childcare help when I was unable to lift my infant son were tremendous and nearly suffocated us financially due to our heavy student loan burden, but by the grace of God we made it through. Once I was healed and physically well the pressure from family, friends, and the outside world was intense to go back to work. They acted like being at home wasn't of value, and that the only thing of value was a job. Thank goodness for some supportive close family, and for my mother that had shown me the example of a stay at home mom although she had to work after my parent's divorce (she worked from home then at least).
Due to my injuries I was told by doctors that for life I will never be able to work in a hospital again or full time as a nurse due to my permanent lifting restrictions. Although I am permanently, partially disabled I am unable to have ANY of my student loan debt discharged...even though I physically can no longer work in a typical capacity as a nurse. Why did I go to nursing school? My heart wasn't in being a career nurse, I LOVE being at home and caring for my family. Add to that the fact that student loans are such a danger to take out as they typically cannot be discharged EVEN in bankruptcy!! I mention this to highlight that it was silly for me to go to school and take out loans because: a.) My passion was ignited while being at home. In the years at home I have been happier than ever working, and I feel like a woman. Likewise my husband is much happier too, and he feels like a man. Our son is safer and better cared for too! AND b.) I want men and women thinking of college to know that it is a huge risk taking on student loans because if you should end up not finding work, low paying work, or injured like myself, etc you will be in a distressing financial situation with debt that cannot be discharged while other forms of debt are much more easily discharged in extenuating circumstances. Financial aid rarely covers all the costs involved enough to avoid student loans, and many careers pay just as well that don't require a degree! As you can see my husband and I are seriously burdened with student loan debts that we will be paying on for many years to come, and we have already spent seven years paying on them up to now. It is frustrating to think where the money could be used instead if we didn't have around $1000 each month in to pay on in student loans, but I suppose that is the price of falling for society's lies about what is best.
I still work a few hours occasionally teaching nursing students at my alma mater (no worries about lifting, etc when teaching). At times my husband and I gave in to pressure and I would work one six hour day weekly for 8 to 12 weeks teaching for the extra money. It has always proven disastrous and puts the house work and family time behind schedule. Finding a nanny is a chore, and my son doesn't get as consistent of care which I can immediately see the harmful effects of. I find that if I work say once every other month for just a few hours the dynamic of the family isn't harmed, but anything more is harmful. I would be happy though to not have to worry about working again at all, I think we choose this because I have a degree and we are pressured.
It makes us mad that society has set up a dynamic that hurts the family and the individual. I understand that if a woman is different than most and will never choose marriage, then she should be able to work a career if God has called her. I think that we all know though what the situation is for most women, and it is in being feminine that most women are content. When did it become such a negative thing to be a duck when we are a duck? Feminists degrade women's work because they don't want women to have the option of paid work or home. They literally see home making as less generally speaking. I see it every day in the interactions I have with people, and in the comments my husband constantly receives from coworkers at his job (he is an ER nurse). The working mothers are jealous of our choices, but at the same time they won't stop working and they look down on us. What about our son? Why aren't our children sacred? It is a human life with an eternal soul that God entrusts us parents with, how has society gotten its priorities severely warped? I say these questions more rhetorically since I know the answers, but it still boggles my mind.
Having gone from being in a career to being a full time homemaker I can say unequivocally that when I am a woman it feels amazing and it flows naturally.
Thank you very, very much for reading such a long email and for your help! You have a lovely website and great videos, it is such an encouragement! We greatly appreciate your time and effort with both this email and the website/web videos.